There have been questions concerning what appears to be blood in several locations on R'lyeh, so I sent Bubbles out to investigate.
He visited each site, and questioned possible witnesses...
He visited each site, and questioned possible witnesses...
A possible witness-
Bubbles: You are a guard here? Mr. N. Noam, is it?
Guard N. Noam: Yes.
Bubbles: Deeheecent!
So, have you seen any suspicious activity lately?
Guard N. Noam: Depends.
Bubbles: What makes you say that?
Guard N. Noam: Depends on who's asking, and what they consider suspicious.
Bubbles: Let me rephrase, have you observed anyone coming through here recently?
Guard N. Noam: Only that weirdo calls himself Lucky. He lives back in those woods. Other than him, no one...wait, as I recall that bozo dressed like a circus entertainer did pass through a few nights ago dragging a bag, and grumbling about IT.
Bubbles: Did you ask him where he was going and what was in the bag?
Not kitties, I hope?
Guard N. Noam: Ah, no. *raising a curious eyebrow*
Bubbles (getting annoyed): Why not? That didn't seem a bit unusual?
Guard N. Noam: None of my business.
Unusual? You do know the name and reputation of the island you're on, right? And if you're interested in cats, there are two live here on R'lyeh. That is, if they weren't in the bag. *snidely snickers and rolls eyes*
Bubbles: (throwing his hands up in frustration) Do you know where this clown lives?
Guard N. Noam: Over by that boredwalk I hear. Never leave my post. NEVER.
Bubbles: Thank you for your cooperation. Remain within the islands jurisdiction. We may require a written statement. Should you remember anything else, please contact island headquarters.
Guard N. Noam: What part of NEVER did you not get?
Bubbles: And where'd you say those kitties lived?
Guard N. Noam: I didn't.
Mr. Noam would say no more, so Bubbles proceeded with the investigation.
Next, to pay a visit to the clown.
Guard N. Noam: Yes.
Bubbles: Deeheecent!
So, have you seen any suspicious activity lately?
Guard N. Noam: Depends.
Bubbles: What makes you say that?
Guard N. Noam: Depends on who's asking, and what they consider suspicious.
Bubbles: Let me rephrase, have you observed anyone coming through here recently?
Guard N. Noam: Only that weirdo calls himself Lucky. He lives back in those woods. Other than him, no one...wait, as I recall that bozo dressed like a circus entertainer did pass through a few nights ago dragging a bag, and grumbling about IT.
Bubbles: Did you ask him where he was going and what was in the bag?
Not kitties, I hope?
Guard N. Noam: Ah, no. *raising a curious eyebrow*
Bubbles (getting annoyed): Why not? That didn't seem a bit unusual?
Guard N. Noam: None of my business.
Unusual? You do know the name and reputation of the island you're on, right? And if you're interested in cats, there are two live here on R'lyeh. That is, if they weren't in the bag. *snidely snickers and rolls eyes*
Bubbles: (throwing his hands up in frustration) Do you know where this clown lives?
Guard N. Noam: Over by that boredwalk I hear. Never leave my post. NEVER.
Bubbles: Thank you for your cooperation. Remain within the islands jurisdiction. We may require a written statement. Should you remember anything else, please contact island headquarters.
Guard N. Noam: What part of NEVER did you not get?
Bubbles: And where'd you say those kitties lived?
Guard N. Noam: I didn't.
Mr. Noam would say no more, so Bubbles proceeded with the investigation.
Next, to pay a visit to the clown.
Bubbles: OK, clown, where were you the night of the incident?
Clown: The name's Pietro, what'a 'incident'? *chuckling behind a wide painted grin*
Clown: The name's Pietro, what'a 'incident'? *chuckling behind a wide painted grin*
Bubbles: Can you put the hammer down please.
I'm here about the 'marks' on the pave stones in front of your house, and at various spots on the island.
Some islanders have voiced concern.
Pietro: Concern? Whatta marks?
Bubbles: Don't play naive with me.
You know exactly what I'm talking about, and what was in the bag you were dragging into the so called 'haunted forest'? Adding another haunt to it, were you?
Don't try to deny it, the guard saw you!
Pietro: (no longer smiling, now worrisome) Ohhh, thos'a marks. Sì, sì. Well'a, Pietro, dats'a me, waza taking some raspaberry jam to my'a friend, Lucky, when'a'da crock'a broke on'a da way, leaving a trail of'a jam.
Sì! Dat'za what'a happened. It's just'a jam.
Bubbles (*under his breath* that's a crock, if ever I heard one, and not of jam, but you sure are in one up to your neck!)
*aloud* Can Lucky corroborate this?
Pietro: Sì. I mean'a no. He was'a sleeping, so I'a left.
Bubbles: Did anyone see you leave? The guard didn't mention you passing him again.
Pietro: Da guard'a eh *narrowing his eyes* It'sa because I took another way home (his 'accent' suddenly barely discernible)
Bubbles: I see.
Now, about those kitties?
Pietro: (accent returning) What'a kitties? Scus'a me, what'a you talking about?
Cats'a?
Bubbles: Never mind.
Please remain at home for further questioning and until I can verify what you've told me is true.
Pietro: Of course. Ciao. (now deep in thought)
I'm here about the 'marks' on the pave stones in front of your house, and at various spots on the island.
Some islanders have voiced concern.
Pietro: Concern? Whatta marks?
Bubbles: Don't play naive with me.
You know exactly what I'm talking about, and what was in the bag you were dragging into the so called 'haunted forest'? Adding another haunt to it, were you?
Don't try to deny it, the guard saw you!
Pietro: (no longer smiling, now worrisome) Ohhh, thos'a marks. Sì, sì. Well'a, Pietro, dats'a me, waza taking some raspaberry jam to my'a friend, Lucky, when'a'da crock'a broke on'a da way, leaving a trail of'a jam.
Sì! Dat'za what'a happened. It's just'a jam.
Bubbles (*under his breath* that's a crock, if ever I heard one, and not of jam, but you sure are in one up to your neck!)
*aloud* Can Lucky corroborate this?
Pietro: Sì. I mean'a no. He was'a sleeping, so I'a left.
Bubbles: Did anyone see you leave? The guard didn't mention you passing him again.
Pietro: Da guard'a eh *narrowing his eyes* It'sa because I took another way home (his 'accent' suddenly barely discernible)
Bubbles: I see.
Now, about those kitties?
Pietro: (accent returning) What'a kitties? Scus'a me, what'a you talking about?
Cats'a?
Bubbles: Never mind.
Please remain at home for further questioning and until I can verify what you've told me is true.
Pietro: Of course. Ciao. (now deep in thought)
To be continued. Maybe. Tough performing with no audience *sigh* not very encouraging.