It was inevitable.
The uninvited enter the banquet hall.
Those nasty no-goodniks, the EVILES (kind of like the XFiles only VILE and Evil....
well, actually nothing like the XFiles at all, I just thought I’d throw that in because it
sounded good, er, evile), led by the magician of mayhem, the warlock of woe, the wizard of wickedness himself, Lard Moldewart!!!
The uninvited enter the banquet hall.
Those nasty no-goodniks, the EVILES (kind of like the XFiles only VILE and Evil....
well, actually nothing like the XFiles at all, I just thought I’d throw that in because it
sounded good, er, evile), led by the magician of mayhem, the warlock of woe, the wizard of wickedness himself, Lard Moldewart!!!
Lard Moldewart, expatriot of the ‘Benevolent Order Of Butt Savers’ (from here on shall be referred to as the ‘B.O.O.B.S.’) to which all our heroic evil fighters belong, turned to the ‘Larp Side’ after being incessantly teased by most of his fellow B.O.O.B.S. due to a rather large, angry wart on his right ear, as well as being a size chubby-plus at the time.
His Lardship has since slimmed down, but chose that name so when he wreaks his revenge, they know from whence it came.
He travels with his faithful companion Limacé, a gorgeous gastropod (at least by gastropodial standards, and yes, I know that is not a real word. I made it up) and once upon a time sweetheart of one Schnecke Armkachel. (Bet you didn’t know Schnecke had a last name. How else do you think he would get a drivers license if he didn’t?!)
The ‘B.O.O.B.S.’ are now Lard Moldewart’s sworn enemies and he has gathered about him a band of ne’er-do-wells known as the ‘Extremely Vile, Ill-tempered Lawlessly Evil’ or just The EVILES for short (evile’s’ being the plural of evile).
His Lardship has since slimmed down, but chose that name so when he wreaks his revenge, they know from whence it came.
He travels with his faithful companion Limacé, a gorgeous gastropod (at least by gastropodial standards, and yes, I know that is not a real word. I made it up) and once upon a time sweetheart of one Schnecke Armkachel. (Bet you didn’t know Schnecke had a last name. How else do you think he would get a drivers license if he didn’t?!)
The ‘B.O.O.B.S.’ are now Lard Moldewart’s sworn enemies and he has gathered about him a band of ne’er-do-wells known as the ‘Extremely Vile, Ill-tempered Lawlessly Evil’ or just The EVILES for short (evile’s’ being the plural of evile).
Lard Moldewart’s right hand man is one Obie (short for Obadiah) ‘Yawn’ CanO’Bee (also Irish). He is the archenemy of Death Maul.
Although not much of a fighter, when necessary he uses his formidable weapon, the ‘Nighty-Night Sabre’, one swift bonk on the head and it’s lights out and nighty-night for the victim.
Obie ‘Yawn’ was lured to the Larp Side because they are actually more intimidation than action, so he can do what he enjoys most, sleep. Although he does so with one eye open, and sleep-walks to boot, no one ever really knows if he is indeed awake, or asleep until one is or is not clonked on the head.
(addeneum- Obie Yawn’s identical-twin brother, Juan CanO’Bee was once a member of the EVILES, his weapon was, you guessed it, a ‘Can o’ Bees’ which he released on unsuspecting goodie-two-buttcheeks, stinging them ‘but good’....I mean ‘but evil’, until he had a revelation, went back to university and is now known as OB. Juan CanO’Bee. Yes, he is now a Obstetrician. (insert the *wah, wah wah* and *facepalm* here).
Although not much of a fighter, when necessary he uses his formidable weapon, the ‘Nighty-Night Sabre’, one swift bonk on the head and it’s lights out and nighty-night for the victim.
Obie ‘Yawn’ was lured to the Larp Side because they are actually more intimidation than action, so he can do what he enjoys most, sleep. Although he does so with one eye open, and sleep-walks to boot, no one ever really knows if he is indeed awake, or asleep until one is or is not clonked on the head.
(addeneum- Obie Yawn’s identical-twin brother, Juan CanO’Bee was once a member of the EVILES, his weapon was, you guessed it, a ‘Can o’ Bees’ which he released on unsuspecting goodie-two-buttcheeks, stinging them ‘but good’....I mean ‘but evil’, until he had a revelation, went back to university and is now known as OB. Juan CanO’Bee. Yes, he is now a Obstetrician. (insert the *wah, wah wah* and *facepalm* here).
Next in the line of hierarchy we find Airship Captain Howe D. Reddbum.
He, like Sir Seymour Chapbottom, is also Irish and is in fact the ‘third’ cousin thrice removed of Sir Seymour. There was always jealous animosity between them growing up, and thus Captain Reddbum joined the EVILES to prove himself superior. His weapon you ask? A invention of his own he calls ‘Streamfunk’ which he fills with an irritant of his own concoction, then super soaks his targets, creating- yes, you know it- a rash.....behavior.
He, like Sir Seymour Chapbottom, is also Irish and is in fact the ‘third’ cousin thrice removed of Sir Seymour. There was always jealous animosity between them growing up, and thus Captain Reddbum joined the EVILES to prove himself superior. His weapon you ask? A invention of his own he calls ‘Streamfunk’ which he fills with an irritant of his own concoction, then super soaks his targets, creating- yes, you know it- a rash.....behavior.
Duchesse Anne O. Cleaves is the gal pal of Obie ‘Yawn’. She, as with Obie ‘Yawn’, also has an identical twin in the form of a step-sister, Mlle. Maque ‘the knife’ Inbaque <(whom will later be found to be a cross-dressing double agent), only the Duchesse Anne has much better fashion sense. Her weapon is, obviously, a cleaver. She considers herself a chef and with it she slices, dices and makes julienne whatever out of anything that gets in her way. But she will meet her match, oh yes she will, in an upcoming adventure.
Lastly is Professor Moore E. Arty. He is a diabolical genius, schooled under his esteemed pundit,
Doctor Moore Rowe (from whence the Professor gleaned his given, but in this case chosen, name).
Doctor Moore Rowe taught the Professor everything he knew before being eaten by his experiments.
The Professor himself joined the Larp Side mainly to get brains so he can continue with his creation of an Army (of) Patagium Evolutionary Simians, or A.P.E.S. for short.
His first attempt, which he named Pierre Boulle, didn’t work out as well as planned, but is intelligent enough to assist the Professor in further facilitating his fiendish formula for world domination. An army of aviate apes.
(One certainly hopes that Professor Moore E. Arty and the Professor of Pandemonic Pain never join forces, or it will surely be the end of the world as we know it).
Doctor Moore Rowe (from whence the Professor gleaned his given, but in this case chosen, name).
Doctor Moore Rowe taught the Professor everything he knew before being eaten by his experiments.
The Professor himself joined the Larp Side mainly to get brains so he can continue with his creation of an Army (of) Patagium Evolutionary Simians, or A.P.E.S. for short.
His first attempt, which he named Pierre Boulle, didn’t work out as well as planned, but is intelligent enough to assist the Professor in further facilitating his fiendish formula for world domination. An army of aviate apes.
(One certainly hopes that Professor Moore E. Arty and the Professor of Pandemonic Pain never join forces, or it will surely be the end of the world as we know it).
Anyway, they all entered the banquet hall.....
..... curiously, just as all the lights went out.
Then the carnage began.
Chaos ensued.
Everyone at the bar was teed off...or was that tea-ed on?
Cakes and pies flew every which way and that. It was far from being a cakewalk on the dance floor, more like pastry pandemonium.
Then the carnage began.
Chaos ensued.
Everyone at the bar was teed off...or was that tea-ed on?
Cakes and pies flew every which way and that. It was far from being a cakewalk on the dance floor, more like pastry pandemonium.
It came to be known as ‘Battle Royale Icing’.
The ‘fighting’ was mostly just intimidation, fancy footwork and fisticuffs.
No one wished to do any grievous bodily harm.
Death Maul tried to ‘lighten’ the situation with his weapon, but the cursed batteries in his ‘Right Saver’ chose to give out, precisely when he needed it most. Eveready? More like Neveready!
The ‘fighting’ was mostly just intimidation, fancy footwork and fisticuffs.
No one wished to do any grievous bodily harm.
Death Maul tried to ‘lighten’ the situation with his weapon, but the cursed batteries in his ‘Right Saver’ chose to give out, precisely when he needed it most. Eveready? More like Neveready!
Of course, the authorities were called in by the catering staff. Thankfully, Elvis, Elvis, Elvis, Elvis, Elvis and Elvis had ‘left the building’ at the onslaught.
When the air cleared, all were taken into ‘custody’ save Schnecke, who just before it started, went out to have a pipe smoke.
Thus it was he, Schnecke, and he alone, who accepted ‘custody’ of all of them (doing so mainly for ‘Limacé’ whom he had an affection for before she turned EVILE. He still held feelings for her).
And here ends another exiting (oops, left out the ‘c’, oh well, an exit is an end, and adding the ‘c’ would only be to make you think this was more than mediocre) of-
"HELLdin, the Evil (but pleasant) Destroyer!"
And here ends another exiting (oops, left out the ‘c’, oh well, an exit is an end, and adding the ‘c’ would only be to make you think this was more than mediocre) of-
"HELLdin, the Evil (but pleasant) Destroyer!"