That is my worst fear, being alone.
My own sobbing woke me up.
Why did I have to remember that one?
Of Matters and AntiMatters: The Relativity of Stuff....and Things |
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Last night, well, early this morning really, I dreamt everyone I love had died and I was so upset I stopped eating and turned into a living skeleton that couldn't die. :'(
That is my worst fear, being alone. My own sobbing woke me up. Why did I have to remember that one?
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I think about death.
I would like to believe there is something more, and is not just a hollow promise of continuity created to give hope to poor souls that something better lies ahead. This is why I theorize the soul being energy that moves on since science dictates energy cannot be created or destroyed. Whether it is sentient and can retain its former 'identities' is questionable. It can be scary. Death. Maybe it is better to believe it is lights out, stage door closed and locked to you, your role has been been cancelled. The endless sleep is less scary, actually, than 'you are about to enter the twilight zone.' Alone. Without even the safety your mom's womb and umbilical connection. You go it completely alone... Then I think of the film Flatliners. Scary.
*shudder*
Maybe Father Guido Sarducci's version of 'paying for youra sins' is less frightening, more worrisome...check my pockets hoping some change remains, only to realize I'm naked! (Does clothing go ghostly?)
At that point I start to ask myself, and start counting up, what sins I may be held accountable for. I go through the seven deadly ones first. Pride? Nope. Greed? Nope. Lust? Um, well, does just a little count? Like as in sex? Envy? Yeah, but not in a begrudging or mean way, just in a wishful way. Gluttony, Wrath and Sloth? No, no and no. I should hope, not having committed any of the others, it will negate the two I am guilty of. Then there are a host of minor sins, like telling a few lies (mostly to protect myself or other's feelings. Who hasn't?), swearing, offending (though never done intentionally, so would that count as a sinful misdemeanor?) I doubt loans are available, only what you've banked in good deeds which might balance your account. As long as they were sincerely done without any thought of compensation or benefits in anyway. And since I can't think of anything more to say, I leave you with this-
That, above, I think I could live with.....over and over and over again. Forever.
Amen. Awomen. I think about what’s going on inside Earth.
Not just what’s below my feet, like worms, grubs, burrowing creatures hibernating, etc., but deep inside. The churning and movement of its molten core. It’s all rather amazing, having to do with Earth’s magnetic field, which protects us from solar winds and cosmic rays (now where’d I leave my hat, I’ve upgraded from plain aluminum foil to one I got on Amazon, it’s ‘sposed to be like a faraday cage for your head...), which, in turn, would strip away our ozone layer leaving us at the mercy of harmful ultraviolet radiation. I think. (Protecting us from the winds and rays, that is, not my hat.) Everything working in (almost) perfect harmony to make Earth habitable (without my hat.) Then, sometimes I wonder if the tectonic plates are moving as well, if ever so slightly, (which I wondered before here, does that make me Wondering Woman? More like Wandering Woman because that is what my brain does most of the time) and eventually the arrangement of land will change, far far in the future? Like it has in the past. This, when I’m not wondering and thinking about what’s going on on Twitter. We’re darn lucky the Earth does not rely on humans to do all that is required to keep it safe. For us. We seem to be a bunch of unappreciative bunglers. I know I sure have a habit of bungling. Foot in mouth disease. Hmm, *lightbulb* perhaps there are a lot of actual invisible entities that does it? Maintenance workers that we can’t see? I’m sure they must be way smarter and more capably responsible than humans. Either that, or programmed drones that rarely fail in their duties.(duties...no comment :) Maybe that’s when we have quakes or eruptions? That thought expanded would make a good story. I think. Don't you? I guess that’s all I have to say about this. For now, at least. My theory may also explain one's associative identity, both gender and species-wise.<(as in cases such as furries, vampires, otherkins, bronies, etc.)
I am pretty sure my most recent transmogrification was a bird, specifically a sparrow. Previous to that, I was an Alter-native Human which I find preferable over Sasquatch or Bigfoot, and before that I was a tree (I wonder if Treebeard's was Spanish moss? I should think so.) So, you may have, at one time, associated as a fairy and/or dragon<(actual dinosaur association, which, according to evolution, we all were at one point, drawing energy from Earth itself, which is why we call it mother, it is the source of our original energy, from the Big Bang Birth) and as for fairies, you mistakenly associate because you were recently a flying insect like a butterfly or dragonfly<(dual association.) Perhaps this explains fantasy authors as well, their tails, er, tales are actually faintly remembered past lives associations. Anyway. *clears throat, rolls eyes* It's taken me a long time to suss this out, like since I woke up at 1:20 am yesterday morning, until 2:23 am (same morning), when I finally dozed back. This happens quite often, perhaps I was a nocturnal at one point in my energy transferences. Or something. Seriously, though, who knows? (About the associations, not about my sleep disorder.) I believe our energy is genderless, it is matter that denotes gender. That, and nothing more. Does matter really matter? Just be whatever it is that makes you happy, harm none including self, until the next sentence. I keep trying to work this out. I've mentioned it here before. Quite often. It is my constant rumination, why are we here? What is, if any, the purpose of it all? I have discussed this with others, and mostly get odd looks followed by an immediate change of topic. Maybe I think too much about it. Anyway. To begin, I don't believe anything is coincidental. It's either something that is supposed to be, or is trying to subtly direct us. Even if something is wrong, it will somehow be corrected and get back on track. Some are, perhaps, too determinedly belligerent to correct something, or too oblivious to see. Maybe the saying 'history repeats itself' is literal, and we continue in a loop until we get it right and can transcend to the next level of evolution. We know the past is there, the question is, is the future already there as well, and if so, do we have free will or not? Is everything destined, no matter how minute it may seem? Dominoes. In my theory, it is, and to evolve further we repeat until we get it right. Until we are worthy as a species to evolve. Is there another reason, other than a mutation, to explain humans? I was asked once, years ago, about my 'theory' of the soul being sentient energy, and if that is the case, and energy cannot be created or destroyed (as far as we know), what was my explanation for the increase in human population. I never gave that further thought until this morning. Perhaps there is no new energy, because considering just all the life on this planet, it must be constantly recycling. Species have become extinct, hunted, constantly die, etc. That energy must go somewhere. For instance, you may harbour the energy of an ant, or fish, bird, or plant life, not just that of a mammal. Maybe even an inanimate object as well (see my un fini shed story The Desk: A love story)? There has to be some sort of balance. Something material dies or is destroyed, the energy that inhabited it must find another vessel. That is my logical solution. There is a finite amount of energy constantly being transferred from matter to matter.in this universe (not sure what lies beyond or if there are others, that, too, is theoretical.) Is it a test? I don't know. These are just theories I have come up with and have mentioned before. A lot. There is no chaos, there is an order. So maybe we can't currently create energy, but, like Alchemists of old, could someday transform dark energy to our plane of existence? But that, dear friends, is a horse of a different matter altogether. :) I have further thoughts on this, and will elaborate tomorrow, as I must expend some of my energy shopping for sustenance now. :)
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SparrowraithYes, I'm a psychopomp (mad+hair.) Sales pitch: *Cheep* guide to the Otherside! Of course there's a fee, blame Charon! 'Chirp' is my antisocial media site
October 2020
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